false alarm. still invincible.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
