i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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