I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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