you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
