This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
