BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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