I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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