A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
