I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
