Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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