I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
