How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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