separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
