he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
