Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
