I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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