After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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