It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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