I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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