the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
