Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's always time for handjobs
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
