NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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