she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
