think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
