She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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