Just fell off a train. Bad.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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