That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
