I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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