don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
