Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
