I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
