Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
