She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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