8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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