thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
