Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
