yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
