All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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