kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
