in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
