the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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