i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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