just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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