i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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