I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
