waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
