when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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