i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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