Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
