I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
