I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
